How can you deal with a bad breakup?

Breakups can be earth-shattering for people. They can feel like the end of a major chapter in your life. A recent study from Stanford University explains why people have such a hard time with breakups.

Between the rejection and the shaken sense of self, a breakup can be a very difficult period for millions of people.

Despite the difficulties of bad breakups, there are healthy ways to cope and heal. Read on to discover the best ways to deal with a breakup so you can move on with your life.

Think Negative Thoughts

You’d think that thinking positive thoughts would be the way to go when dealing with bad breakups. Not according to science. OK, one small study that was published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: General. 

The study took a small sample of 24 people enduring breakups and tested three strategies to help them cope with the breakup. One strategy was to think positive loving thoughts about what you’re feeling and accept the feelings you have for them. The second strategy was a pure distraction.

The one that worked was “negative reappraisal,” which is thinking negative thoughts about your ex to decrease the feelings of love you have towards them.

The thinking is that the less love you feel towards your ex, the easier it is to move on from the relationship.

It’s OK to Grieve

The hardest thing about a breakup is the sense of loss. No matter what state your relationship was in, you’ve become accustomed to having your ex nearby. You no longer have their hand to hold, you can’t pick up the phone and talk about how horrible your day was.

You will experience this sense of loss, and it’s ok. You have to face it head on because if you don’t, you’ll repress those feelings of anger and sadness. That repression can trigger depression.

You’ll want to read these tips for more information about dealing with your emotions after a breakup.

Where Do You Want to Be?

What kind of future would you like to have without your ex? The best thing about bad breakups is that you have an opportunity to create and build something new.

It could be a new sense of self, a new life, a new location. You’re not necessarily running away and avoiding the pain of the breakup. Rather, you’re starting something brand new. That’s exciting!

Where do you even begin to build your new life? Well, start by daydreaming a little.

What kind of life do you want to have? How are you feeling? Who are you with? What’s your relationship like?

Take the time to discover what you truly want out of life. Write down what your vision is for yourself. When you have a vision that really lights you on fire, then take the time to map out how you can make that vision a reality.

Surround Yourself with Great People

The support system you have in place is perhaps the most important way to recover from a bad breakup. Your friends and support are everything.

There may be people in your life who are good friends with you and your ex and may feel the need to choose sides. They don’t have to, even during bad breakups. With that in mind, people are still people and may feel like they have to choose based on loyalty.

You still may lose friendships during the breakup.

Yet, there will be people who have your back. Those are the people you can call at any time about any issue. Those are the people you want to have around.

Your support people could dwell on the negative aspects of your relationship and have nothing but bad things about your ex. You need to decide how you want those interactions to go. If you only want people who are supportive and uplifting, you’ll have to say so.

One way to do that is to share the vision that you have for your future. Invite them into that conversation and ask for their help in making it come true.

That way, your interactions with your friends are about moving forward with excitement, not dwelling on the past in resentment.  

Practice Self Care

In your relationship, you may have spent so much time and energy caring for someone else that you forgot to take care of yourself.

Consider this time in your life you become reacquainted with self-care. Self-care can look like anything from taking yourself out on dates to going for a walk every day.

Starting to practice self-care can be a little scary because you’re doing something for yourself. Start small with something like going to a park.

You don’t need to look at your phone, just look around. Observe the people there, make eye contact with other people.

What you’re really doing is you’re saying that you deserve to have connections with other people and you deserve to have the life you want.

It Takes Time

Have you ever seen someone go through a breakup and two months later they’re in love with someone else? That has rebound all over it.

You may be tempted to go down a similar path, but healthy grieving takes time. It’s important to remember that there is no timeline attached to recovering from a breakup.

It takes as long as it takes. You’ll know when you’re truly ready to move on.

Bad Breakups Aren’t the End

We all experience bad breakups at some point in our lives. Some breakups are worse than others, but that doesn’t mean that they’re any more or less devastating.

A bad breakup can signal the end of a significant part of your life. They can also ring in a new beginning. When you take the time to heal and deal with the emotions in a healthy way, you can and will be ready to share your life with someone who is more compatible with you.

Want more great lifestyle tips? Check out these blog posts.